Milchar
April-May 2003 issue
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Maa
Sharika Temple, Hari Parvat, Village
Anangpur, Faridabad.
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Editorial
Inter-caste
Marriages
I
have a letter from Mr. M.N. Ambardar of Satara, suggesting that the Milchar,
while giving news about community marriages, should blackout the inter-caste
marriages, for they are basically not desirable. A simple suggestion like this
raises many issues and for which answers may not be easy. It is a fact that we
want our boys and girls to get married within the community. This will preserve
the value system we imbibe from our forefathers. It will help continue a way of
life we cherish. We are all for it. Yet we find that inter-cast marriages are
taking place. We saw a spurt in these immediately after the exodus. May be this
was a reaction to the events of times or a consequence of a new found freedom.
There was some thaw for few years but last one year witnessed an unusual
increase in such marriages. Why inter-caste marriages take place at all? At a
certain time in a young person’s life, a very strong feeling of attraction for
the other sex takes place. At this stage he or she is attracted to a particular
individual so that tying the nuptial knot remains the only option inspite of
disapproval or even opposition by the family. It is human nature and not
something particular in our community only. But what we find interesting in our
community, is that a large number of parents after initial disapproval,
eventually accept it. They soon give their blessings for the marriage and try to
make it look like any other marriage. Probably this is genuine pragmatism. There
is no gain in rejecting the inevitable. Better accept it as normal and not lose
the son or daughter in the process. Call it being liberal if you want to, or
being wise, if you prefer. But often it is the right course and is appreciated
also. Interestingly our community has also a history of welcoming the other
caste boy or girl into our fold with open arms and genuine affection. The boys
and girls from the other caste have found us very affectionate and often return
the affection in equal measure. This makes our family more peaceful and lovable
inspite of an outsider coming in. Girls married into KP families have been found
often sport a Dejihor . Even girls married out of the community, also sometimes
wear it. Our culture appears to be strong enough to assimilate the new entrants.
They might perhaps even imbibe the community value system. We recently witnessed
a strong debate within the Parsi community on this subject. Parsis strongly
oppose marital intrusions into their community. A view is being expressed that
it needs to change. The present system appears to be working to their
disadvantage. The community is shrinking through its exclusiveness. A large
section of Parsis are advocating a change. To this extent, the KPs look to be
more broad-minded. The question still remains as to why a KP boy or girl wants a
partner from outside his own community? Don’t we have good boys or girls
within the community who could meet the aspirations of our young souls? We have
enough of them but there is no interaction among them. They meet boys and girls
of other community in the college, building society, work-place and so on. As we
said, the attraction is instinctual and physical, and meeting physically is a
precondition. We as parents have failed to provide a platform for our youngsters
to meet and know each other. It is the failure of elders at one stage which
becomes their problem at another stage. Can't we strengthen the community
contact points and provide necessary opportunity to our youngsters? The other
defense against this trend is in creating a sense of pride in belonging to the
community in our youngsters. How much we tell them about our community, its
achievements, its stalwarts, its contribution to world philosophy and knowledge,
etc? Again it is the elders who have to do it. Do it, when children are young
and at an impressionable age. Till the time we don’t build the defenses as
suggested above, we will have to accept the situation as it is. Blacking them
out is no solution. We will continue to welcome them into our fold with the hope
that they will imbibe our way of life and thinking and perpetuate it.
…
P.N.Wali
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